You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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