Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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