i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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