Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
