My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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