Christians are straight up FREAKS
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
