if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
