I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
