all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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