the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
