I just threw up on my dentist
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
