My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
