I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
