five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
