She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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