i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
