maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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