come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
