I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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