I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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