Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
