you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
