Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
