Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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