Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
