i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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