I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
