there's paper in my vomit.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
