He is an equal opportunity slut.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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