It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
