No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
