Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
