i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
