he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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