The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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