Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
