I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
