spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
