like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
