I'm lost and stupid without you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
