I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
