shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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