saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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