so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
honey bunches of taint.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
