she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
