Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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