What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
