So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
