I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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