I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
