I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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