I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
