I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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