I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
