why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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