I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
ttyl tear gas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
