My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
