3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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