:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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